Life has been moving at break-neck speed. My husband was called as a pastor, we are selling our house, purchasing a new one, my first book is set to release this month, my second book needs completed by October, I have multiple speaking engagements coming up…AND we found out a couple months ago we were chosen to be adoptive parents!
The thrill of it all has been amazing. I have prayed and encouraged friends to pray that I might rejoice in the process of blessing and not just hold my breath for these blessing to come to fruition. However, in God’s sovereignty and goodness, He once again challenged this struggling anxious-pessimist. Last week we received word that the biological father does not want to sign surrender papers. We were devastated with the news that our adoption could be threatened and we could lose our baby. Trial…again. After five long years of suffering after suffering, we were elated that it was our “turn” for blessing. And that blessing was really happening through our ministries, the new house, and namely our first child. It was easy for me to spiral downward into the abyss of anxiety and woe. “Again, Lord?...really!”
My heart was broken. Tired of the roller-coaster of possibilities crushed, I cried out to the Lord for His help. I was broken, exhausted, and lost. At least anxiety was something I felt…and God seemed absent.
In the pit of despair, we often can’t feel God’s presence, experience hope, or find our way out. This is why as a Christian, when anxiety seeks to overwhelm us, we must not rely on our feelings, but on Truth!
God has taught me many things in the last few days. The overarching lesson is that He never leaves me. Scripture is clear that even when God seems distant, He is sustaining us and lovingly comforting us. He is faithfully by my side. I must trust that…even when I feel lost. God, in his goodness, allows trials to train our self-absorbed hearts to give up our façade of control and trust Him to fight our battles for us!
Whether seasons of sorrow or joy, the older I get and the more trials I emerge from, I realize that both are in fact seasons of blessing. One may bring tangible gifts (such as a new job, new house, or even the joy of a precious long-awaited baby), the other the spiritual gift of sanctification.
Anxiety wars against my soul to fathom the worst possible scenario. It lies to “hold on to control!” If I don’t, the lie says my world will fall apart. Anxiety leads me to believe that trust is optional or even obsolete. What is the point of trusting if life keeps falling apart….or it could fall apart!?
But trust is vital! Trust is the Christian’s foundation of belief. We trust Jesus as our Savior and trust Him to be Lord (master) of our lives. We trust God, the Spirit, to live with us giving spiritual discernment, conviction, and guidance in life and sanctification. We cannot choose not to trust God in our every day matters. It not only goes against the foundation of belief, but it destroys our peace.
Scripture says, “This is what the Lord says –your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: ‘I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. 18 If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your well-being like the waves of the sea’” (Isa. 48:17-18). One of the greatest commands in Scripture is “Fear Not, Trust ME!” If we will “be still” (Ps. 46, Mark 4:38-40), as we rest in the Lord’s perfect, loving, and absolutely-best-for-us guidance—we will have peace like a river!
This knot of worry of losing another potential child must be placed in the hands of the God who has created me, died for me, and Adopted Me. My god will not be anxiety or any other emotion that wars against my burdened soul. My God is the True God. I will fight for the truth of God’s character and allow Him to gently carry me out of the pit and fill me with an unfathomable peace. I will be still, Lord. I will wait….even as a weaned child with his mother (Ps. 131). Those of you struggling with anxiety…I have so much more I could share, but I pray you will make the choice to Fight for Peace today.
Psalm 71: 14-21, 23
As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long— though I know not how to relate them all. 16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone. 17 Since my youth, God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. 18 Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come.
19 Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens, you who have done great things. Who is like you, God? 20 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. 21 You will increase my honor and comfort me once more.
23My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you— I whom you have delivered.