It’s a joy to have a month set aside celebrating the sanctity of life, but it reveals a stark reality: All life is no longer considered precious. As Christ followers, we know this to be false, but at times even Christians need stirred up with a dose of Truth.
Baby’s First Photo Shoot
Nine weeks went by and I was feeling so good. We joked that maybe there wasn’t a baby in my “belly” because I didn’t feel pregnant. Sure I was tired and ate everything in sight, but I felt great. Excitedly we went arrived at the doctor…it would be Lil’ Bean’s First Picture (ultrasound). As we sat in the room waiting for the doctor, we gave each other a high five and then pumped the air three times toward Heaven, giving God three high fives because this was His perfect work, not ours. We had determined from the first day God blessed us with our baby to have “open hands.” This was God’s little one, entrusted to us to raise Him to be a worshiper of God. We gave up the façade of control of when we would have a baby; this was no time to take back control.
I remember sitting in the office, waiting for my doctor to come in. My heart was beating so fast. I thought when the nurse took my blood pressure she was going to be alarmed that it was so high (because of my anticipation). That day we would meet our first baby. We were so excited. The doctor came in and talked for a while about what to expect and hospital protocol…then it was time for “Baby’s First Picture.”
The Floor Fell
Silence. This isn’t what an ultrasound was supposed to look like, I thought. Where was my baby? The picture was white with only a tiny black circle. No heart beat. No baby. The doctor didn’t need to say anything, we knew. And our hearts broke. All the dreams of this little one starting our family of three…gone.
The doctor left the room after a short explanation of what would happen over the next few days. She told me not to blame myself. But, in that moment as my world spun out of control I couldn’t stop the thoughts. I wept in my husband’s strong arms. Slowly I met his gaze and said, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He knew what I meant and gently held my tear-stained face. “Don’t you dare go there,” he softly warned. “Don’t you dare take credit for what God is doing.” I knew the truth…God was in control, He was faithful, and He was good. But, could I believe that in this moment?
A Great Lesson Learned
On Sunday, October 2, 2011 it would have been our little baby's due date. When we lost our baby, we cried to the point of exhaustion. It was so sweet falling in love with our first child. In His kindness, the Lord taught me many lessons during this terrible trial, one lesson I will never forget.
In my prayer journal, the day after we lost our baby, I wrote, “Lord, I can’t help but think, as Dustin said to me yesterday that this pain we feel is small in comparison to the pain you feel daily. Daily watching men and women die never meeting their Father. Never getting to be born as a new man into Your Family. Never feeling the embrace of their Father’s love. Never being named…Child of God. And Lord…that is for eternity.” God loves us. How His heart breaks when people die before knowing their Father, miscarried for eternity.
As we celebrate the sanctity of life, being great champions for the cause of babies is gallant, but we must not forget why life is something worth fighting for. Our hearts must cling to this one great lesson: Our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ has called us to be His ambassadors, sharing the truth of the Gospel with all people, so they can know their Father’s love—because every life is precious to the Father.